Week 14 NFL Recap

First off, quick Week 14 NFL Action…

Colts won against a Titans team who wasn’t really trying to win the game, but get instead get to the end of the season so they can abandon ship with honor. Scoring a late touchdown which meant nothing, only to make the scoreboard look good is patented “Eric Mangini Syndrome,” where one only works hard enough to escape full blame and not get fired. I would call it “Office Space Syndrome,” but I like prefer delivering the Mangenious a rebuke whenever I get the chance. (1-0)

Cincinnati, you guys suck. Steelers will roll to the playoffs for the inevitable rematch in Foxboro in the AFC Championship Game. (2-0)

Jacksonville came back against a spotty Oakland team who “tries hard.” I will attempt to not smirk as I roll my eyes at Oakland fan’s claims of “next year.” (3-0)

The Who Cares Bowl, with Buffalo besting Cleveland brings my perfect prognostication effort crumbling to the ground. But really, who cares? (3-1)

Patriots trampled the Bears during a blizzard, and they didn’t even have a street plow. Tom Bundchen and Bill Belichick proved why they are the best yet again. Jet and Bear fans can commiserate together this week as each prepares for a road game they will inevitably lose. (4-1)

Aaron Rodgers got knocked out of the Packers-Lions game early on. Their defense played stout, limiting the “high-powered” offense led by Drew Stanton to seven points. Their Rodger-less offense would have won the game, had they made it to the game. They were last seen planting explosives atop the Metrodome. (4-2)

Atlanta, prepare for the inevitable. Michael Vick and the Eagles are coming to the Georgia Dome for the NFC Championship Game. Don’t worry; you guys are really good, perhaps better. (5-2)

Are the Buccaneers lucky, or are the Washington Senators that bad? I can’t help but think Mike Shanahan is like President Obama. He comes into town taking the job from an easily duped, yet powerful boss (Daniel Snyder/American people), taking over the reins from a guy who had no idea what he was doing (Jim Zorn/W) and proceeded to run the team into the ground, blaming others for the problems he has caused (Donovan McNabb/Obamacare) or exacerbated (Albert Haynesworth debacle/economy) and thinks that will be enough for him to keep his job. Good luck, buddy. (6-2)

I wasn’t sold on either of the New York teams, but I still picked one of them. I picked the wrong one. The Giants looked good, granted it was against the Dolphins. And on the same day the Jets beatdown at the hands of the Patriots doesn’t look so bad in light of the Bears Blizzard Beatdown; they take it on the chin by the Dolphins. That’s what I get for being a fan. (7-3)

Chargers beat the Chiefs. To anyone who thought otherwise, I refer you to Santa Anna. (8-3)

The Cardinals rocked the Broncos, attempting to salvage this season, with Red Skelton’s great-grandson playing under center. Good luck, Max! If you are there next year, perhaps you too can have a grand career under center, a la Glenn Foley or Matt Moore. (8-4)

The 49ers are playing like they actually think they can win the division. Maybe they are finally attempting to play up to Owner Mike York’s proclamation they would win the division. 8-8 would get it done; 7-9 might actually, as well. (8-5)

Saints beat the Rams. Wow, has anybody noticed the NFC West seems a little down this year? Perhaps the Pac-12 can still become the Pac-16, by absorbing these four teams. If you put the Seahawks and 49ers in the North Division with the Oregon schools, the Washington schools, Utah, and Colorado, do you think Oregon would run all over Pete Carroll in Seattle? If the Niners could… (9-5)

Michael Vick got beaten, bruised, and flummoxed every down by DeMarcus Ware and the front seven of the Cowboys, but still broke through when it mattered and led his team to victory. That isn’t to diminish LeSean McCoy and the young, talented Eagles offense, who all came up big, but we all know it is the Vick Show. Imagine this final four in the NFL: Pretty Boy Tom Bundchen versus Bad Boy Ben Roethlisberger in the AFC and Pretty Boy Matty Ice versus Even Worse Boy Michael Vick in the NFC. In the words of the most self-indulgent player ever: Get your popcorn ready!!! (10-5)

Baltimore choked yet again; I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. The only thing which prevented them from going into a season-ending tailspin a la the New York Jets was the fact the Texans always, always, always, ALWAYS blow it.

I finished the week 11-5, good enough to win the meager NFC West, delivering a home playoff game to my meager fan base that couldn’t outdraw the Jacksonville Jaguars. Not having a stadium to call my own, BWB selects the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, logically thinking if it is good enough for President Richard Starkey and the Reformed United States Government; it is good enough for BWB.