The Bets Part II. Or, why I can't stand Tim Tebow

My knee continued to swell with each broken step. The pain had vanished the night before in a blend of remedies not normally blended together. Soreness, as if I had just finished a two hour workout focused entirely on my right leg, had crept in overnight; constant standing and walking behind the bar at the Lobsta made it unbearable.

And though my leg was aching to be chopped off at the hip, I paid it little attention. My thoughts were squarely centered on my picks for the week: Bears, Jets, Dolphins, Raiders, Steelers, Cowboys, Packers. It was nearly one o’clock on the west coast and I was sitting pretty. The Bears and Matt Forte were running all over the overvalued and seemingly undersized Tampa Bay Buccaneers in London, and the Jets were in the midst of holding on to a game in which the San Diego Chargers gave up.

The Desperation Dolphins were up 15-0 when my co-worker Sam, who helped me with my locked keys saga two nights previous walked into Tha Lobsta. “How my Dolphins doing?” he asked with a fair amount of foreboding.

“Don’t worry, they are up 15-0. They have the game in the bag,” I replied. He looked worried, anguished even. He was naturally a jovial sort; I wondered aloud often whether he let anything bother him at all.

“I picked the Broncos today,” he admitted. “The first time I picked against my team and they are going to win.”

“Just goes to show you,” I admonished him with a wink in my eye. “Perhaps you can bet against them for the rest of the year and they will win out and make the playoffs.”

We both got a good chuckle and I looked up at the television screen, still showing the remaining minutes of the Falcons-Lions game. Tebow was making a comeback, so said the ticker at the bottom of the screen. Dolphins 15, Broncos 7. Uh oh.

I dusted, wiped and cleaned every square centimeter of the bar, and awaited the second half of the doubleheader and attempted to take my mind off of Tim Tebow and his offensive line consisting of his heart, his guts, his faith, his desire never to give up, and his fan base (oh wait, they weren’t playing, my bad. From all their Tebow talk these past two weeks, it was easy to forget.)

All of a sudden, it was 15-15 and overtime. What?!

Tim Tebow, as great a man as he may be, has no business on an NFL football field being a starting quarterback, that much was clear to me. And granted, the Desperation Dolphins are the leaders in the clubhouse concerning the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes, but how was it even possible the Chosen One had tied the game?

To look for a sign, a clue, or even a whimper of what was happening in South Florida, I turned my attention to the other television in the bar: it was showing the Raiders and the Chiefs. Kyle Boller was starting for the Raiders because Carson Palmer was not yet ready; nor was he, it seems. The first play I watched happened it slow motion, at least it seemed it was because even I read the defense quicker than poor Mr. Boller did. Interception returned for a touchdown. The game was over before it began; it was all the Chiefs needed. I went from an easy 3-0 to start my seven team parlay to a quick 2-2 and an early exit for my BWB picks.

Lessons learned: don’t ever take Kyle Boller, ever and don’t pick a team when even their fans know it is a lost cause.

The Steelers came through, as I knew they would. Still, the Cardinals made it closer than it should have been, which would worry me, if I cared anything about the health and long-term quality of Steelers football. The Cowboys didn’t let me down either. Next, they get to go to Philadelphia Sunday night. Everybody, go to Mo’s! And the damn Packers won, but didn’t cover. Green Bay seemed as shocked as
everyone, besides Mama Ponder, that Christian kept his Vikings team competitive.

On my official seven team ticket, I was 4-3 overall, 5-2 straight up. As of this writing, I’m still hoping for a Raven win to pad my stats, but as it stands, I am officially 6-6 (not counting my ten team parlays I compulsively created.) Go Ravens!

The Official As It Stands Now Super Bowl XLVI Prediction Courtesy of BWB is Packers 35, Ravens 14