Welcome back to the BWB Football column. Due to unforeseen circumstances (read: another week of 8-8) and the delay due to the Tuesday Night Football game, the New Year’s Holiday closing the library, amongst other things which completely threw BWB for a loop, last week’s recap and this week’s predictions weren’t posted. Rest assured, BWB went 16-0 in Week 17 (trust me.) Also, taking a cue from the greatest postseason system there is, BWB is replacing the NFL playoffs with seven bowl games in order to stir debate on who is really the best by crowning seven championship winners instead of only one! We are calling it the BWBCS.
But first off, congratulations to the TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS, next year’s best team in the league. No, seriously! The NFC South hasn’t had a repeat winner since its creation in 2002, so don’t expect 2011 to be any different (if there is a season next year.) The Bucs finally won a game against a winning team, against the defending champion SAINTS no less. It was all for not this season, but just wait for next year Raheem Morris! In consolation news, the Bucs have accepted an invitation to the First Annual BWB Almost Good Enough Bowl, pitting the best non-playoff team from the NFC against the same from the AFC. Who will be their opponent, just read to find out.
The ATLANTA SAINTS 2.0/FALCONS looked like the soon-to-be NFC Champions as they trounced ACC Coastal Division Champion CAROLINA PANTHERS. Did you see they announced John Fox would not be back next season? Did they really need to make such a declaration? All six people who read BWB knew that for weeks. Don’t worry Mr. Fox, you’re going to be fine next season at Houston or Cleveland or whatever Podunk franchise represents greener pastures. (Note: Yes, even Cleveland is considered greener pastures when one works for Carolina.)
More will be written about the STEELERS and the RAVENS as both easily breezed into the playoffs by beating the BROWNS and BENGALS respectively, so I will concentrate on the losers now. First, has anyone noticed how much better the Bengals look when they don’t chuck the ball around the field to primadonna wideouts and instead run the ball like their life depended on it (because it does?) And the Browns stink. So long, Eric Mangini!
The TITANS had the COLTS on the ropes, and then Peyton Manning willed them to victory, only by being Peyton Manning. I think he personally frightened the ball out of Kerry Collins’ hand, setting up the game-winning drive and 3rd seed clincher by Adam Vinatieri. Good thing too, because had the Colts lost, the only thing anyone would have actually remembered was that the JAGUARS choked away the division title by losing three straight, including failing to show up for the second half against the TEXANS. Poor Jacksonville, maybe the haze and smoke of the city of Industry, California will be better to play in than northern Florida.
The COWBOYS beat the EAGLES, who had Kevin Kolb starting instead of Michael Vick. Does anyone remember when Wade Phillips benched Doug Flutie for Rob Johnson the week before the playoffs in 1999 in order to give him “rest” and then proceeded to play Johnson in the Wild Card Game which went historically bad thanks to the Music City Miracle? Yeah, me neither. That’s what this reminded me of. Beware, Philly fan…
BWB was surprised the GIANTS held off the WASHINGTON NATIONALS/REDSKINS and Rex Grossman. BWB wasn’t surprised the damage had already been done to the Giants’ playoff chances. Yes, the Giants won Super Bowl XLII. Consider them the best of a group which includes 2008 Cardinals, 2006 Bears, 1985 Patriots, or 1979 Rams as teams who were by far not the best team in their conference yet with a little bit of good luck and good luck and some more good luck they made the Super Bowl. They are done, Eli isn’t his brother, no matter what they say. He will always be Emilio Estevez. But that isn’t so bad. Emilio got Paula Abdul when getting Paula Abdul meant something. That’s what Eli’s Super Bowl ring is, it is “Forever Your Girl” Paula Abdul.
The PACKERS beat the BEARS in a game it seemed the Bears were only half-trying to win to get into the playoffs. That might have been the worst mistake the Bears will ever make, at least this season. The Packers are a very dangerous 6th seed, who are more than able to go to Philadelphia and Atlanta and win both games, now they are as healthy as they have been all season. Who wouldn’t love to see The Packers travel into Soldier Field to decide the NFC Championship? In other, less interesting news, the VIKINGS lost to the LIONS. Maybe I will care about the Lions next year…maybe…maybe not…definitely not…
The CHIEFS look really good, generally speaking. Sometimes. The RAIDERS seem to have their number. Yeah, maybe that’s it. Maybe the Ravens won’t run all over them, maybe the Raider mystique is what makes them look shitty. Maybe they won’t remember their franchise’s history of choking in the playoffs since the merger. And as for the BRONCOS and CHARGERS, I really have no inkling. I get a feeling both teams would have been better if they had either gotten rid of their head coaches before the season or if they hadn’t ever hired them in the first place.
The 49ERS game was on, in its entirety in Reno on Sunday, not any game which actually mattered. So instead of watching the Bears-Packers or even Cowboys-Eagles, we in the Biggest Little City were subjected to a beatdown on Red Skelton and the CARDINALS. The most interesting thing about the NFC West Championship Game between the SEAHAWKS and the RAMS, which was miraculously won by Seattle, though I half expected the field to be swallowed up by an ever-expanding Lake Washington resulting in a double forfeit, was “Harry’s Law” starring Kathy Bates. Seriously? Why would someone think it was a good idea to resuscitate the staid old Matlock genre?
The BILLS are putrid, and BWB is thankful for it. If there was ever a time BWB almost left JETS fandom, it was during the Bills’ K-Gun era. Deep down, BWB knew if that sort of front-running were allowed, even while living in upstate New York, it would forever have been punished. BWB considers what happened: since Jim Kelly retired, the Jets have won two division titles to the Bills zero. The Jets have won five playoff games since 1998, the Bills have won zero. The Jets have gone to two AFC Championship Games, the Bills haven’t. I’m not saying being a Jets fan is great, but BWB is confident it made the right choice twenty years ago. The DOLPHINS suck as well, and BWB is again grateful for this. If only Tom Bundchen and the PATRIOTS weren’t going to win their fourth Super Bowl this century…
Here are the BWB Bowls (Note: All Bowls will be played at stadiums that either have hosted or will host a Super Bowl in its history):
BWB NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (NOT THE SUPER BOWL, DESPITE THE PROTESTATIONS OF MANY PEOPLE BECAUSE THE PARTICIPANTS WEREN’T DECIDED IN SOME SORT OF PLAYOFF SYSTEM): New England Patriots v. Atlanta Falcons from Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas.
ALMOST GOOD ENOUGH BOWL: San Diego Chargers v. Tampa Bay Buccaneers from Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan.
MAYBE NEXT YEAR BOWL (IF THERE IS A SEASON IN 2011): New York Jets v. Chicago Bears from Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana.
PARIAH BOWL: Pittsburgh Steelers (and Ben Roethlisberger) v. Philadelphia Eagles (and Michael Vick) from ALLTEL Stadium in Jacksonville, Florida.
PAC-12 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME: Kansas City Chiefs v. Seattle Seahawks from Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California.
BEST TEAM IN THEIR DIVISION EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDN’T ACTUALLY WIN THE DIVISION BOWL: Baltimore Ravens v. Green Bay Packers from Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis, Minnesota (don’t worry that the stadium is in no condition; the game is a non-existent consolation game, so the game having to be delayed or moved shouldn’t be too much of a problem.)
LAST YEAR’S CHAMPIONSHIP GAME PARTICIPANTS WHO ARE STILL HOLDING OUT HOPE THEY CAN REPEAT BUT WON’T BOWL: Indianapolis Colts v. New Orleans Saints from whatever the stadium is called this week in whatever the city/county/municipality is supposed to be referred to this month (really Miami), Florida.
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