America is Exceptional. Really?

“My thighs are too big.”

“I’m not where I want to be, financially.”

“I’m a terrible person.”

These statements may or may not be true for you, dear reader, but alas, they are true for many Americans these days. The nation, as a whole, is grossly overweight. We as a nation are so in over our heads with debt that it may not be possible to get out without resorting to a felony. The third statement, well, that comes out of the truth of the first two.

There is an ever-sagging weight hanging around the necks of America, dragging us down to the abyss with the other fallen empires like Rome and Victorian Britain. Some call it depression. Some call it economic uncertainty. Some call it a dystopian novel come to life before our eyes.

“America has become lazy.”

True enough, generally speaking. Too bad that quote was actually spoken by the President of the United States recently. Why would the American people elect as their spokesman to the world a man who repeatedly speaks ill of the very people he is sworn to protect?

The answer lies in the natural depression America as a nation is going through. We are plummeting towards rock bottom faster than Lindsay Lohan on a Saturday night at a meth lab. Perhaps we chose Barack Obama as President consciously thinking he’d make everything all better but subconsciously knowing he’d only ruin us some more, which is what we really want.

Imagine, if you will, America taking a trip to Las Vegas. For hours, years maybe, she has been killing it at the craps table. She rolled the bones better than the lady in Red who had to retire early. She’s made all of her supporters massive amounts of money with her lucky rolls, and she quickly found she herself was up ten thousand dollars. But in comes a new shooter (perhaps a Jihadi?) who proceeds to rack up huge wins while America loses boatloads betting the wrong way. Pretty soon, being up ten turns to being down everything in your bank account and taking out a marker from some Chinese loan shark. It turns that fast. It has turned that fast.

It happened before our very eyes, but the American people went along for the ride to Vegas, too. We were far too blinded by the pretty lights and the bells and whistles that came from being with America. Automobiles, electricity, running water, iPods, cell phones, Wi-Fi, triple shot caramel macchiato, easy-access drugs, cheap sex, free booze, roller coasters and a pair of 3-D glasses shielding us from the true horrors of the world.

Yes, Mr. Obama, America has been lazy. We’ve been weak. We’ve been self-destructive. We continue to be self-destructive. That was why we elected you, after all. You make us feel nothing but ashamed about being Americans. And maybe you are right, maybe we should be. After all, we are evil and dastardly and we throw our gluttonous weight anywhere we wish in order to get more, more, more.

We are about to hit rock bottom, and we know it. We know we are about to collapse in on ourselves into a puddle of our own self-loathing and we shall never arise. “America’s chickens are coming home to roost,” in other words (which just so happen to be your former reverend, Mr. President.)

So, what do we do? Do we allow the Herman Cain-types, those who believe in American exceptionalism and Manifest Destiny (code words for screwing over whomever we want in pursuit of blood money) to take over the government in 2012? Or do we do what nature would do when a forest is killing itself?