The three biggest news stories of the day, and why they are important to you:
1) Middle East troubles (what the hell else is new?)
What: Libyan leader Colonel Qadaffi is killing the citizens of his country. The smart, desperate ones are fleeing. Now that Qadaffai has gone off the rails, it seems we are headed for a war (perhaps the very thing which gets the President re-elected, one wonders). This is on top of all the unrest in Egypt, to name only one.
Who: OPEC, a cartel which is run mainly by Middle Eastern leaders always react when one of their members goes a little nuts. Tension in the Middle East means only one thing: Oil prices are going through the roof, and will continue to do so as it pushes tomorrow towards $100 per barrel.
How will that affect you: Gas prices are about to go through the roof! That means: less spending money, less money you save, less money to get through life. That also means: higher costs of groceries (for the suppliers, growers, and manufacturers will also feel the pinch; they will in turn raise their prices, which will make you feel an additional pinch), higher travel costs, higher costs of doing business of all types.
Where and when should I expect this: Soon.
Why is this happening: Because Obama wanted democracy in the Middle East.
2)Marijuana is actually bad for you!
What???!!!! People who take a mild hallucinogen, no matter whether it is natural, better for you than alcohol or cigarettes, "doubles risk of psychosis."
Who: Everyone, apparently. But in teenagers, the ones most likely to use it, it apparently turns stoners into munchie-loving psychopaths who are stupid.
Since when: Always, really. The mere act of ingesting a plant by fire isn't recommended by doctors far and wide. Ask your doctor if you should stand over a burning fir tree and breathe in the smoke. What do you think he would tell you? It doesn't matter if you are ingesting it through a rubber tube, filtered through glass, incinerated by a vaporizer, and with the taste of cherry.
Where: Though marijuana is decriminialized in some states, it is largely illegal throughout the United States. Whether or not it should be is a matter for another debate. BWB is officially libertarian, so should one want to roast LSD-laced marshmallows in an outdoor fire pit while smoking oak tree bark and worshipping the demi-goddess of hunting Britomartis, he wouldn't care one bit. I personally don't support legalizing marijuana, which will be the subject of a future column.
When: The Marihuana Tax Act of 1937 was passed during the socialist hero Franklin Roosevelt's second term as President. Should you be looking for anyone to curse for weed being illegal, feel free to curse him. I hear Adolf still curses him from hell; FDR had no comment.
3)Charlie Sheen is probably going to be dead before the 2012 Doomsday Prophecy, falling star which always seems to precede such calamaties (officially a joke)
What: Apparently Charlie has been going on benders. What the drug of choice has been is up to interpretation, to say the least. (I will not be providing links in this piece; I assume most Americans are more aware of this story than the others.) He's hanging out with porn stars and strippers and hookers and doing all sorts of unsavory things, basically kissing goodbye to his career in the process.
Why?: Because he is a god-damned fool who has been messed up for most of his career. Sadly, most of America has known this for twenty years, yet we have allowed this man to ruin his life for the sake our entertainment. What is wrong with us?
Who: Charlie Sheen, obviously. But don't forget, Charlie has children, parents, friends, family, and those who love him, even when he doesn't love himself. Charlie, please get your act together. Please, fix your life, don't fall through the rabbit hole and never come back.
Where: The jet-setting Sheen seems like he is moving even as he was sitting down for that 20/20 interview. His blood was pumping as if he was about to explode from hypertension. I felt so bad for his children just looking at the lost wretch. To anyone and all who pray reading this, please say a prayer for Mr. Sheen.
When: Now, before it is too late.
I don't want to leave things on a bad note, that would be ungentlemanlike. So please, indulge in the coolest movie trailer for the 2011 Summer movie season, thus far: HERE!
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